Defining me?

Defining me?

What is it that defines a person? Is it what I hope that you see when you look at me? Is it what I project for you to see? Is it what you project to me about me? What defines me? Is it something simple or is it complex. I am defined by one word? A couple words? Many?

I am not sure what the answer is to this question. I know I often offer up the information freely that I am diabetic and that I suffer from anxiety disorders. I am free with those as those are certainly part of me. Do they define me? Are they me? I do not know.

I know that if I am asked what I do for work that I am ashamed to say that I don’t work. Why am I ashamed? It isn’t my fault. Is that why I put forward the anxiety issue right out of the gate? It sets the stage for questions to come and says I am in some way broken? I really do not know why I feel that way but I simply do feel it. I am ashamed, embarrassed that I am not working. F you ask me what I did for work I will tell you about the rink but enjoy talking about my jobs working with children more than the rink. The job working with children made me happy. I suffered from anxiety then too.

See why does that enter my mind? Does it even matter that I suffered before? Does it matter for how long? Am I just trying to justify that I am not where I expected to be at this point in my life? I expected so much more from myself and yet this is where I am and who I am. I just do not know why I seem to categorize or define myself.

Is it something everyone searches for? A definition of who they are and what makes them who they are to all of us? Or is that just me and my mind thinking outside of the box? I am not sure.

My reality is mine and mine alone. Do you have a say in defining my reality? I don’t think you do but who knows the truth. I can’t see things from your eyes and you can’t see them from mine. Is life a search to be understood when there is no way to truly understand?

How am I defined? How do you define me? How do I define myself? I am a diabetic and suffer from anxiety disorder. I am Lloyd W. Alexander.