A guys view on those family outings!!

A guys view on those family outings!!
 
I think it is time to be honest here and just get this out in the open for once. We all get invitations for family outings. Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, reunions, christenings, Christmas parties, office parties, and just plain old get together type events. And there are obviously funerals but those fall into a completely different category. Man I am getting all pumped up just writing all these wonderful happy fun sharing events down!!! There are just so many things to enjoy together with EVERYONE!!! I really don’t need that extra sports package the cable company is offering. I only wanted it to prevent boredom anyway. All this fun and we get to save money as well. Maybe you can spend that extra cash at the craft store as well because the last thing I would ever want is an extra beer or two in the fridge to go with that sports package I do not need. Yea right!!

Let’s face the real facts here boys and girls. These listed parties or events are things we are willing to do before we get married. I will go anywhere and meet anyone you want until we get married and I won’t complain. I will wear what you want and smile the way you like as well. If it makes you happy and maybe scores me some points to get me some sugar later than I am all for it. When the ring goes on the finger, points are not needed anymore as we are together, in sickness and in health, in weight gain and even more weight gain, through thick and through thicker, right? You want me to love you when you are no longer a size 8 and are now a size 18!!! No problem, then just give me my remote and my freedom to watch what I want on the weekends. I want every extra sports package that is available to me and you need to understand that the picture in picture isn’t for you at all. No my sports do not go in the little picture with no sound and your cooking show in the big picture with sounds. The little picture is for me to watch Jessica Simpson videos during the commercials or time outs of games. Or maybe even to have two game son and switch back and forth because I am that talented. I can do two things at once, which no longer apply to the bedroom, and be perfectly happy. We really don’t want to go to these things and you should not force us. Do you think you haven’t changed since the rings went on that finger? Yes, for you it is rings as not even one was good enough!! You needed a couple of those as well.  Damn you girls are good!!

I mean before we get married you are willing to give us the sugar if we earn it and behave. Sometimes you even break out with the wild child side of you to let us know the better we are the better you are when it counts to us. It is all just trickery I tell you!! It does work though as you don’t play with the strings to our hearts but rather those to our minds that are attached to our animals, caveman instincts which are sex and food. You are all about spoiling us till you get the rings. I mean sexy outfits and yummie treats of food. You suddenly like pastrami sandwiches!!! I mean how awesome are you is what we are thinking!! The trickery continues and even gets better!! When you get ring number one you step it up a bit as you know now we are definitely hooked. We are on the hook and now you are going to set it!! So on comes the extra attentive women. You wanna watch hockey with me!! You know the NASCAR drivers and their car numbers, holy cow, thank you God!! Hook set!!! Okay so now you got us and then comes this big ceremony that we would rather not have if it was up to us. How about this picture girl? This is what we want!!! Friday night we meet wit hour friends and go get us some big ass steaks and beer!! Then maybe head on over to the sports bar and play some pool. Saturday, get up sometime and stroll around in our boxers. Watch some afternoon sports. Meet you and the family at the Church and have our little ceremony. Okay done with that now, let’s go party somewhere. We are cool with that but could care less about cutting the damn cake and all the speeches. Hey lets just roll to the drinking and dancing!! And then let’s go consummate this thing!! Next day, let’s have a huge cookout and have everyone over. Play some horse shoes, volleyball, have a big bbq pit, and lots of liquid!!  And a little more consummation!!! That is our dream World baby!!

Okay so we get none of that as we all know. After you get that second ring the “real” you comes out!! The honey do lists appear out of nowhere. Suddenly we have become handymen apparently!! If I couldn’t do it before we got married, then I can’t do it now!! You tell me I can and even buy me a “fix it” book as it will be good for us!! Us, really, what do you have to do with this deal? The stuff we have to do to get some sugar from our honey has gone up now to a level where we start to realize that it just isn’t worth the sugar anymore. The wild crazy cat has become an old lazy cat in the bedroom as well. No more trying to impress me as we now find out you really don’t like this or that and we are left with just the missionary position if we are lucky!! The list of changes that suddenly appear are endless. Guys, before you get married look at your friends who are married or your fathers!! Do you catch them often day dreaming or muttering to themselves? I bet that you do as they are now trying to remember what it used to be like to be a man!! Things they are a changing!!

So now it is time to stop some of this change and get you to come back to reality. I don’t want to go to these things and neither does any other guy. You have your get togethers and leave us the hell out of it. We would be just as happy if the girls got together and did their thing. Let us be, let us be free from your trickery. You know all we do when we are at these things is talk to the other guys about how we can get out of there and laugh at the poor sucker whose wife is hosting this puppy. He is in for the long haul today!! And no sugar for him unless he cleans up after as well. None of us really care about the things that are going on. If we do not see these people 364 days of the year then lets us be as we really don’t mind if it is 365 days a year. Okay if it is a funeral we will go because we love you and want to be there for you. What purpose do we serve at these other things though? You give us the smile or look once in awhile which feels more like our Mom checking up on us to behave. You tell us not to embarrass you or do anything foolish. Okay, well, leave me home if I can’t be me and have fun. You want to drag me there and basically give me a script to follow as well. I follow it too because I know the consequences if I do not!! Really though we would be so much happier at home with our remote and tv!! We wouldn’t mind doing a honey do list for you either. Just let us be!! Go have your fun and don’t drag us there as we really do not want to be there. What is this crap that everyone asks when I don’t go? They don’t care really if I ma there or not. It is more of a way of telling you to get your man in line before there men start to figure it out as well. Hey, if he isn’t going to go then why do I have to go? So you girls are trying more trickery to keep us there and you know it. It is like a cult or something you girls have that we are not supposed to know about. I am onto you though. I got your number!! No more quilting me into these things. I am turning the tide on my own and stepping out of line. I will do it my way and others will follow. I will be the pied piper. Follow me boys!!!

What is that honey? Time to go to your sisters daughters recital! Okay, catch you guys later.