hiking my way to sanity

Hiking my way to sanity.

Every time I head off from Portland towards a hike somewhere it is a breath of needed fresh air. I grew up here in Portland but looking at the steel, brick, and tar that makes a city now feels confining and constricting to me. I am not sure if my anxiety is part of that reason or not. I feel smothered. I need to breathe. The trails are my sanity.

Each step I take on the trails gives me more strength and more belief in myself. Confidence that escapes me here seems to strengthen me there. Is the city my own kryptonite?

I know that here I can get stuck and feel down in an instant and without warning. It is like a storm or squall blows in catching me off guard, trapping me for days. No weatherman to blame for missing the signs here as it is my own storm that blows only through me. Often knocking me off my feet and leaving me gasping for air, searching for strength. The city sucks my life from me. The crowds and noise pump my anxiety up and up. My heart races without me racing. I look but like a deer in headlights I am frozen. I see but can’t feel. My sanity is in question.

The trails they call from a distance. Mountain vistas await me. They seem to be flashing beacons in a storm to me. Come here my son and find the sanity. Find the peace here on the trails. Space to breathe and even more to roam. If you find your heart racing out here on the trail then just slow down. No rush and no hurry. We are going to be here for eternity. Take your time and just enjoy. Keep your sanity, fill your lungs with fresh air, and breathe in the life that surrounds you.

I feel the life grow within me. The kryptonite far behind me. My fears here are something I can conquer. Anxiety is nowhere in sight. I am free and I am alive. I am in a World where sanity is mine. Here in the vast space of the woods. I am not alone and am surrounded by life. Yet it does not drain my life. It seems only to enhance it. To add pleasure to it. I take the air like it is life to me. I see all that surrounds me. My head is not lowered and I am hiding from nothing. I am enjoying it all for nothing. It is free and so am I.

Here I am me. I am at peace like never before. My worries have been left behind.

Here I have my sanity. Here I have my life.