I am not ready

I am not ready.

I lay down at night tired and worn from the day.
Not because I worked hard and not because I even worked.
I have no job.
I am worn simply because my mind won’t let me rest.

I lay in the bed and the day replays in my mind.
My heart begins to race.
I feel as though it will explode.
Fear settles in.
I am not ready to go.
I am not ready to go.
I have not finished.
Hell, I have not even begun.

So much potential resides within me.
So much oozes from my veins.
I can feel it but I can’t seem to access it.
It is locked away behind a maze in my mind.

As I lay I try to find the right position.
I twist and turn.
Turn and twist.
Which way makes my heart feel safe?
Safe from the World.
Safe while I close my eyes.
I try to burry it deep into the bed.
I can’t really hide.

Eventually I find the place and eventually my replayed day ends.
No looking towards tomorrow.
Just hoping to sleep.
When I wake in the morning.
I am not ready for another one.
I have no choice.
So it all begins again.