Lennox 300: Looking fear in the eyes and still being afraid.

Lennox 300: Looking fear in the eyes and still being afraid.

New Hampshire International Speedway…. WOW!!! Even the name sounds impressive and a little intimidating. Sure I know there are larger facilities out there and especially in the auto racing World. Places that hold more people than this track as well. Tracks that are longer than the 1.058 miles this track is in length. For me though the fact that over 100,000 people were here for the same thing I was here for was very intimidating. I have dreamed of going to a NASCAR Cup race for a long time. My list of excuses for not going may be close to the number of people who attended the event. It just didn’t happen is the bottom line and every excuse was a good excuse till 7-1-07 and the Lennox Industrial 300.

I decided I wanted to try this and that it would be a good battle for me with my anxiety. I searched a cheap ticket and ended up with two tickets for only $75. That was a great deal and while it was a great deal I knew it would also add to my anxiety. I now had to worry about someone else going with me. Michelle re-arranged her work schedule which only added to the pressure. So now if I couldn’t or didn’t or wouldn’t go I would be disappointing her in many ways. Money wasted, her schedule changed, and just disappointment after being excited to get there. So the pressure was quickly building and I felt it. The night before the race I took a pill for my building anxiety. The morning of the race, I took two more and then went to the gym for a quick 45 minute workout to try to calm the nerves more. I was very testy and edgy. I didn’t feel like myself and I am sure it was obvious. I tried to withdraw and focus on anything but where I was driving too. The GPS route was something I mapped out earlier during my planning and thinking for the trip. I knew it would take me where I needed to go and I just needed to follow it. So that was all set but visions of anxiety causing traffic jams, so many cars, and so many people. Any horror story about NHIS I had heard or read was coming to life in my mind. I wondered if the medicine was working for me and if it was working what would it be like without it? I tried and kept trying to change my focus to something, anything else. It would work briefly and then it would fade and then I would start all over again. The drive finally was nearing an end. I felt as though my heart was the race right now and it was beating out of my chest and a lump in my throat only seemed to grow. An attack was waiting to happen.

I was looking fear and anxiety right in the eyes!!! I am no hero or champion in life. I am a simple mortal man and yet here I was facing my greatest demons. I stared back and kept driving. I was afraid. I felt fear. I felt anxiety.

There was very little traffic and because of that the attack didn’t get a chance to mount during a traffic jam of possibilities. I was inside the track and parked now. Fields of cars and more cars, trailers and campers!! People here and everywhere…… yet, I was here. I felt the fear puling me and my demons telling me to run now while I still could. I didn’t listen as I was here and I might as well walk forward and see the track. Progress was made as helicopters and planes pulling signs whizzed overhead. I think that I was on sensory overload and even my demons were not sure what to do at the moment.

Once in the track it was yet a different World again. Large grandstands, a beautiful race track, food and bathrooms everywhere. So much to take in that it is hard to take any of it in. I had seen some of these scenes on TV over the years of watching NASCAR. It was surreal.

After standing in awe of the spectacle of the track my wife and I headed down to explore the famous NASCAR Souvenir haulers. WOW!! Very impressive is all I can say to even start a description. Imagine if you can 18 wheeler haulers lined up on both sides as far as you could see with people filling the40 feet between the two sides. It was a time when I wanted nothing more to be a small man and hide. I wanted to run and hide but there was nowhere to run and certainly nowhere to hide here either. So we found we passed trailer after trailer until we saw Mickey signing and we paused to take a look at the TV Commercial Star and former Daytona 500 winner. A big smile on his face as he signed away for the throng in front of him. Money being made hand over fist all around for sure. Finally we find the #8 hauler and we stop and look before moving on to Jimmie Johnson’s hauler. We purchase a couple things after a wait in line. Now time to head back to where we came from!! People everywhere. I decided it would be good to go towards the track and check it out. Turns out less crowd and the cars are on pit road. So pictures here and there.

Soon Kinder starts signing and a concert is born. They play their couple of hits as we make our way back to the seats. We stop and grab some food. The prices were reasonable for a burger and a hot dog but $3 for fries that where horrible and very small may have been a bit much. So we finally get back to the seats and enjoy our food. It was nice to not have to buy drinks as with any NASCAR event you can bring in coolers. How cool is that!!!?? So drinks and snacks are set for the day. Plenty of foot room and as far as metal seating goes these are not bad. Walking up 50 rows though is a little bit of a workout.

The crowd filters into the track and soon the stands go from silver to red mixed with a few others colors. Juniors fan base is quite easy to see. People wear some pretty interesting things here at the track. I wonder if they dress like this back home. Home geez my anxiety is at ease for the moment. I am content.

Time keeps ticking though and the pre-race festivities begin to close and the stands are filing fast. Soon we are surrounded by people and again the anxiety tells me to run!! Just run like Forrest Gump!!! I didn’t run and am not really sure why I didn’t either. I guess it could be the embarrassment of falling down 50 rows?

Finally the anthem and the A-10 fly bye are done. Gentlemen start your engines!! The cars roar to life and boy was that exciting. I dreamed of hearing this and it did not disappoint me. The cars begin the pace laps and finally it is one to go. The Pace car pulls off to pit road and Dave Blaney leads the charge to the green flag. The roar of the crowd and the engines is electric and my anxiety eases. The race goes on and on. We were not able to get headphones with a race scanner so we were a bit lost compared to home with the announcers. A lesson learned for next time.

I decided to go use the bathroom during a caution flag. WOW!! A huge line!! Anxiety back in a flash!! Of course now I REALLY had to go when just moments ago it was just a convenient time to go. So I am dancing but the line is moving quickly. All set.

I leave the underneath of the grandstands about the time the green flies. The cars come around towards me. A building crescendo of horsepower is coming towards me at speeds I have never seen this close. And soon the rush of the wind and the roar of the engines envelopes me all at once. My body vibrates from the pounding of the engines on the air.

I settle in my seat and enjoy the race until near the end when my mind begins to drift to the scenarios of an anxious mind. How would I get out of here? How could I handle sitting for hours? So on and so forth, as the laps wound down my mind wound up. I was watching the race get exciting and yet my mind was getting excited for different reasons as well. A battle to stay focused and not run. Watch the race..the race..the race.. I repeated over and over again.

As the last lap was ending I was headed down the stairs. Heck I was 50 rows up and knew I could see as I went down and not many others were moving. Outside now and heading for the car. I powered my way up a hill to beat as many people as I could to my car. Michelle fell behind a little but I knew she would be right there. I couldn’t stop and wait. I got the car open and ready. She piled in and we were off. A short fifteen minutes later and I was back on the main road. Anxiety was lifted and now I just felt exhausted.

So this was a very good thing for me. I battled and came home alive after the race. It was a lot of fun and probably would be much better with no anxiety but that day is not here for me. I have already had to battle the “what ifs” today. I am already battling going back in September. I have tickets but will I have the nerve t be able to do it all again? Either way I did it this time while I looked fear in the eyes. Face to face I was afraid but I didn’t run away. Take that anxiety!!