Tustle with Rattlesnake

Tustle with Rattlesnake
 
 
Less than 24 hours after falling short at Tumbledown because of my own lack of preparedness I decided to prepare and challenge myself today. I was still a little weak and sore from yesterday. Still trying to re-hydrate so why push it today? It wasn’t about fun today as if it were I never would have left. Today was about challenging myself, facing any demons from yesterday and just plain knocking them silly and out of my system. Doubt is a funny thing and once it creeps in, you chase it and lose sight of what the real issues are and the real goals. I am not going to let that happen. Today was all about that and all about me answering my own desires. No doubts, no questions……. Today I would face Rattlesnake and while it isn’t the biggest mountain around it offers some steep terrain to get to the top at over 1,000 ft. I had climber over twice as high yesterday but battle fatigued today this would serve my purpose. I had been thrown down Tumbledown and now would tame this snake.

I left early enough today and had plenty of water, food, and clothing. It looked like rain but I thought I could still do this one either way. I popped the co-ordinates into my GPSr and headed the 25 miles from home to the parking area. As I was driving the doubts tried to creep in and sabotage this summit attempt just as they had done yesterday. What if this and what if that…… this and that ..that and this…. It was invading my thoughts and crowding out the positive ones every so slowly. I was in the mist of an attack, my chest started to pound and then hurt. Was this a heart attack I wonder as the pain grew sharper and my doubts grew greater. I did not turn around and instead focused on the GPSr and the time it told me I had left till I reached the parking area. An every tick off that time I knew I was a little closer to chasing these doubts out of my head. Could I make it there before I was overwhelmed? Tick tock… so slowly it counted down and the road seemed so long and twisting to me. Finally, I make it to the lot. I am the only car there and that provokes other thoughts of doubt. So I park and begin to prepare for the hike. I am battling shaky knees and sweat from the anxiety. My mind tries to tell me I can’t do this and I will fail, as the aches from yesterday howl a little louder. I ignore these demons beckoning me to stop. I look towards the path and it goes through a field and into a dark hole in the woods, how appropriate I thought. My fears, they lie beyond this field and in that dark tunnel. I take the first step, the second, and boldly follow with others. I reach the woods and delve forward into the tunnel, I know now it is me and this mountain. Who wins? I begin to rebound and find the strength with each stride. I slowly begin to swat the doubts away with each step of the ascent. I am at a breath taking pace upwards. I know I should go slower but the doubts drive me faster as I rid them from my system and continue upwards. I feel the pain in my legs and the sweat pouring out of me. I ignore it and drink as I walk, breathing harder yet I press on and on. Soon the summit is near and when I do reach it I am not elated as I have been on my other summits. No big smile this time as I cross that last crest to the views. A sense of relief, yes, that is what it was for me this time. I did it. Doubts gone….. anxiety…. Beaten again. I pushed through and did it. I am tired and the rain is very near. No time to enjoy as I turn and head back down the same path I had come up. The descent is much more pleasant as I know I have done what I wanted to do. Today, I chased away the doubts!!!